On weekdays during Advent we are posting the daily reflection from our Abundance Advent booklet here on our blog. You can download the booklet in its entirety here.
The Bible tells us not to be anxious about anything. It’s a command to be obeyed.
“But sometimes we need a more compelling reason than obedience. We need to see that what is right is also good for us. And we usually only see these good reasons when we’re in pain. Our pain motivates us to act” (taken from “Boundaries” by Cloud & Townsend). God knew I needed to go through unbearable pain. Not really physical pain but mental pain.
I’ll never forget when Lee and I up and moved to Minnesota, dontcha know, the day after we returned from our honeymoon in Jamaica. I will always remember waving goodbye to my parents at my childhood home in St. Louis, Missouri and telling my childhood dog not to die on me. I had no idea what to expect in Minnesota.
Somehow I trusted 22-year-old Lee to determine where we would live in Minneapolis. Yes, he chose the apartment we would live in for our first 2 years of marriage, and I had never been to Minneapolis prior to see it. I had no job lined up, I was wait-listed at the University of Minnesota’s Speech Language Pathology graduate program, I was a new wife with expectations and I was already dreading the copious amounts of snow Minnesota is notorious for. I’m going to lose control on the snowy roads and end up in one of the 10,000 lakes, dead. My whole mindset was full of joy-sucking negativity including fear about not having a job lined up, not immediately being accepted into the graduate program, and the upcoming snow. Life was clearly not how it was supposed to be, I thought.
Not three months into our marriage I received a phone call from my Dad in St. Louis telling me my childhood dog had died. Ouch. Then, the snow came. Who would have guessed that something so white and gentle could add crippling fear-sauce on top of my already extra-large anxiety sundae?
Enter panic attacks. Enter difficult wife. Enter sleepless nights. Enter desperation for peace.
I was paralyzed by anxiety.
And that’s the problem. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I have named all things that are “seen” and fixed my eyes on them and removed them from Jesus. Peace was nowhere to be found.
Enter the word of God. Enter reminders of that little baby in a manger who would rock my world. Enter professional psychological help. Enter victory.
I fell in love. With Him. I began thanking Him for my anxiety knowing full well that the pain of anxiety motivated me to cling to His promises and to crave His presence. Anxiety became a blessing. It really did. To this day I continue to suffer with intermittent episodes of panic and continue to have the diagnosis of Anxiety Disorder, but it’s not the same. Before it was crippling and terrifying and earthly-focused. Now, it points me heaven-ward to Jesus and true peace is found. For I know that I can
“glory in [my sufferings], because [I] know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to [me].”
Romans 5:3-5