At City Church, we love to remind each other of God's story of creation, fall, redemption, & renewal. We also strive to remind each other that God's story intersects with our own personal journey. Each Tuesday for the next 8 weeks, a City Church attender will be sharing a piece of their story on our blog of a time when this intersection was especially evident for them. Today's story comes from MaryEllen Hobbs.
On a Saturday this past February, I received a phone call from my dad with the news that my Papa (Dad’s dad) had been diagnosed with a very rare form of colon cancer. Papa had already been in the hospital for several weeks with internal bleeding, and by the time they discovered the cause of the bleeding- the cancer, his body was too frail to receive chemotherapy. The conversation that Saturday with my dad ended with him telling me that there was essentially nothing more the doctors could do for my Papa. Feelings of hopelessness, fear, and anger consumed me. I was angry that the doctors had wasted their time with countless tests and treatments focused on the wrong issues in my Papa’s body. I was fearful of what was to come, and I was deep in denial that this was the time God was going to take my Papa to be with Him.
I am so thankful for the close relationship I had with my Papa and for the person he was to our family. He loved Jesus so faithfully, he cared for our family, and worked hard without ever complaining. He was strong with a witty sense of humor. He was always present and supportive in our lives.
After receiving the call on that Saturday, my husband Matt and I quickly made arrangements to take time off from work so we could travel to South Carolina and be with my Papa for a few days. The next week was filled with long hospital visits. I would sit next to my Papa and hope that God would miraculously heal him. I expected God to heal him, and prolong his life here on earth. I wanted my Papa to go back to being the active, hard-working man we knew him to be so that our family wouldn’t have to go through the hurt of losing him.
At the same time, not only was I wrestling with the emotions of what was happening in our family, but I was also wrestling with sudden decisions about my commitments back home. I had a full-time job that was steady paying and comfortable, but it wasn’t going to allow me the time I wanted in South Carolina to spend sacred moments with my family.
I was deep in the sorrow of reality. There were so many unknowns. How could anything good come from these circumstances? How was I supposed to make a rational decision in the midst of these emotions? What would happen if I made the wrong decision? We had no idea how long my Papa would be with us, but I couldn’t fathom missing out on time with him. I feared the unknowns and the results. The weight of the decisions were suffocating.
Without knowing what the future would hold, we drove back to DE so that I could resign from my job, tie up loose ends, and head back down to SC for an extended period of time as quickly as possible. The evening we arrived home in Delaware, Papa went to be with Jesus. At that moment, I felt so angry that my plans to spend more time with him had failed. And yet, although I was angry and sad, I also had a huge sense of relief. The moment I dreaded was now a reality, but there was peace in the middle of the fear and chaos. It didn’t matter what was happening to my plans; it mattered what was happening to Papa- and he was now free from pain. God promises eternity for His children and there was comfort, peace, and hope in my Papa’s homecoming.
When Matt and I drove back down to South Carolina, God gifted us with so many beautiful moments together as a family, reminiscing on memories of our Papa. He gifted Matt and I with time to heal. He gifted my family with an abundance of love and care from our friends.
Through quitting my job, God has guided me towards new passions- seeking to help others through wellness and nutrition. He’s also opened doors which has that led to my new position as administrative assistant at City Church.
This story is still unfolding. My heart is still healing. There are unknowns, fears, and excitement about the business I hope to create. In light of how God carried me through those dark days, I take joy in the purpose of our sorrow. God was so real to me in that moment of loss and Heaven was so close. He is present always, even in our sorrow, fears, hopes, and joy.
For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God. So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison. 2 Corinthians 4:15-17